The Why
by Tears Of Pearls
Summary: Guilt is destroying the Animorphs. Will they be able to save themselves?


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The Why

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Author's note: The first thing my guinea pig (test reader) said when she read this was 'What? How? Why?!?!'. So please don't email me asking why it happened or how is happened, cause I don't know, it's up for you to decide. But I am writing a longer fic that does explain how all this happens, that will be finished soon. **This story is confusing!!!**

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Jake

Trapped. The word kept echoing in my mind. Trapped. Forever. I sighed. How could this happen? How could I **let** this happen? How could I fail them like this? My stomach was churning. I've failed. Failed them all. I don't deserve to be leader. Hell, I don't even want to be leader! I sighed deeper, and curled up on the seat, my knees under my chin. The bus continued relentlessly, oblivious to the guilt that was slowly crushing my soul. The others say it's not my fault, that we're all to blame. But I know they're just saying that. I see it in their eyes. They all blame me. They have a reason to. It's all my fault. 

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Tobias

Jake was torturing himself again. I hate it when he does that; I hate to see my friend get that way. Everyday he's the same. There's always that look clouding over his eyes. That look at says _"What if…." _He blames himself. But it's not his fault; he tried all he could. That's all any of us could do. Try. 

I glanced across at Rachel, who was sitting next to me. She was also watching Jake, a faint scowl on her face. She'd also been affected. Sometimes, I see catch her with such a sad look in her eyes, it's as if she's about to cry. But she won't. Rachel's too proud for that. 

"Rach?" I ask softly. "What are we gonna do about Jake?"

She blinks a few times, then stares at me, like she only just realized I was there. 

"I dunno Tobe," she almost whispers, before slipping back into silence. Uncomfortable with Rachel's silent guilt trip, I stare out the window. But the movement of the speeding bus makes me long for the air, for the wind. Instead, I focused on my hands. My hands. 

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Rachel

The bus stopped, and we all stepped out into the blinding sunlight. It was a beautiful Sunday afternoon. The perfect day to be outdoors. But although the sun warmed my skin, it didn't warm my heart. I looked down at my feet. It was my fault. I wasn't there. I should have been, but I wasn't. That's why it happened. 

I looked up. Tobias was watching me. He knew I was mentally kicking myself. He came over and squeezed my hand. I smiled. I couldn't do this. Not after what I'd done. When everyone else went through the gate, I hesitated. 

"Come on Rach." Tobias said softly, as he led me through the turnstiles. "Everything's gonna be OK."

No it's not, I thought remorsefully. Because of me, nothing is ever going to be OK again. 

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Jake

I wandered listlessly for an hour, the others following. I knew I had to face her. But I couldn't. Not yet. Eventually I found myself just outside the meeting place. I looked over to Tobias, he smiled reassuringly. For once I was glad Marco wasn't with me. I couldn't cope with his sarcasm. Not today. The clock in the heart of the park chimed. Once. Twice. Three times. I gathered my courage, and stepped through the door. 

There she was. She looked happy enough, but who could tell? I cast my gaze around. In the center was a large deep pool. Swimming lazily in the bright afternoon sun were two killer whales. Around the pool were palm trees and other plants in pots, and a stand fanned out on the wall to my right. 

Suddenly, Rachel pushed me from behind. Before I knew it I was at the pool's edge. It was then that Cassie saw me.

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Cassie

I saw Jake at the edge of the pool, and went over to him. His face looked drawn, tired. Worried. I knew everyone blamed themselves for what happened to me, but I don't. It's none of their faults. Besides, it's not as if I'm not happy. I love it here. All the people and animals, it's like a dream come true almost. It's only been a week since it happened, and at least one of my friends has come to see me each day. Tobais even drops around on school days. But I can't seem to convince the others that I'm OK. All they do is look at me sadly and blame themselves. But everything's fine. Really. I mean, there's worse morphs to get trapped in than a killer whale. 

**THE END**


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